well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
