her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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