Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
