How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
