That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i now understand why vodka
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
