Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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