Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
