I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
