I love black thongs
my phone needs a breathalizer
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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