soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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