I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
