dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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