he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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