We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
NoShamevember. You game?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
