Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
