Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
