i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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