The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
