just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
