i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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