so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
