What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
