the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
