forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
