I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
