I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
