I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
