Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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