so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
