It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
