What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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