im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
