Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
