Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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