I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
