how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
