dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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