Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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