You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Congratulations! We have a period
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
