Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
