Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
