I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
