meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
