she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
