you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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