rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
