Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
