mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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