garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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