her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
