dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
