I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
