everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Randomize
