I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
